Orkin Canada Home Office
5840 Falbourne Street
Mississauga, ON
L5R 4B5
August, 09. 2009
Orkin Pest Control:
Well, I’ve been doing some research on your web site, and it looks like I have fruit flies.
I have to ask you, is it common for them to disrespect you, or do I have a particularly aggressive, maybe even evil strain of them in my home?
Let me tell you what I’m dealing with.
A friend of mine told me that the natural enemy of the fruit fly was Vinegar. Personally, my natural enemies are peas (and bullets), and if somebody rubbed some sort of pea paste all over the place, I’d be on the next bus out of there. With that in mind, I scoured every surface in the kitchen and bathroom with Vinegar, fully expecting the fruit flies to drop like, well, flies.
But did the little fuckers die?
No, no they did not.
In fact, that very night, while I was sleeping, I was visited by a swarm of fruit flies. (An aside here, is it “a swarm of fruit flies,” or do they have a different designation like “a murder of fruit flies” or “a locomotion of fruit flies?”) Anyway, at first I thought that I might just be dreaming, but after I knocked over my glass of water while waving my arms about trying to shoo them away, I knew that it was real life, and not some horrible nightmare.
There must have been at least 200 of them and they were eerily silent. After waking me up by crawling all over my face, they hovered as a cloud in front of me. It was oddly beautiful to watch, as they assumed a variety of different shapes, and as I began to calm down and stop crying, I had the sense that they were trying to communicate with me. Slowly, the fruit fly cloud began to fly out of my bedroom and move into the kitchen. Mesmerized, I followed them, where once again they morphed into a variety of different shapes, before all descending on the jug of Vinegar I had been using to clean the apartment. They just sat there, 200 strong, as if taunting me, boasting that there was nothing I could do to defeat them.
I will never forget the terrible red glow emanating from their eyes.
Anyway, what do you think?
Can I get rid of these pests using conventional methods, or am I going to need some sort of exorcism? I’m tired of being intimidated, and am willing to try anything to get rid of these beasts.
Suggestions?
Expense is no concern.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Michael Murray