Alright.
I guess I kind of feel like I have to apologize today.
Last night I was drinking heavily, and when I got home I logged onto Facebook only to see—what I thought—was a very provocative status update in my news feed.
Christian Wichman had posted a photograph of himself wearing a Unicorn crown, under which he had proclaimed himself RULER OF THE UNICORNS.
Needless to say, this pissed me off, as he is not Ruler of the Unicorns. Unicorns, a proud and independent creature, would never subjugate themselves to a ruler, let alone a ruler like Christian Wichman.
At any rate, as you might be gathering, I take Unicorns pretty seriously. I have an extensive collection of Unicorn figurines (37), and unfortunately, several were damaged and destroyed during our recent move. (Milkthistle, Supertramp and Chaos are no more, and Mulder and Fox both had their horns broken off.)
(The Unicorn above is Gilgamesh, and the accompanying Faerie is Miley. I found this figurine in an unattended room at a retirement residence.)
Anyway, this has made me kind of sensitive, I guess. This emotional fragility, coupled with the 11 Mike’s Hard Lemonades I drank last night, made me lash out, writing a series of comments and letters to Christian. I would like to publicly apologize for calling Christian a “loser face,” “scumbag,” “anti-unicorn,” and “puss bucket.”
I realize now that Christian has some mental problems and is just soft in the head, and it really wasn’t his fault that he blasphemed Unicorns. He’s just a retard, and I should have done the adult thing and just let it go by, and so, I just want to say to everybody that I am sorry.
And just for the record, there is NO Ruler of the Unicorns.