Category: Blog

On Monday night, some sort of flying bug got loose in our apartment. This made me a little bit anxious, but as I wanted to show some leadership for Rachelle, I didn’t let on that it was scaring me. However, our dog completely lost her shit, spending the entire night hunting the thing. It was…

On Sunday afternoon, Rachelle and I took the dog over to Huron Park School in order to play a little hockey. Essentially, we just shoot the ball around while Heidi– our miniature Daschund– charges after the ball like a maniac. The dog could not be happier. Her tail beats like a propeller and a huge…

On Saturday afternoon we went to see a movie called Orgasm Inc. Rachelle told me that it was an “arty” and “provocative” movie starring Salma Hayek and a Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit model that had been banned in several countries. Naturally, I was a world of keen to see this, but when we approached the Bloor…

It’s because the earth continues to wobble on its axis ?that we continue to stumble down the streets of the heart. ?It’s because of the loneliness of the first cell trying to swim ?through its primordial pool that we are filled with a kind of ?galactic fear. For example: one moment a rocket falls ?capriciously…

As you probably know, the Jesus Cobras finished our floor hockey season in fourth place. This would have been pretty impressive if it had been out of a field of 1,000, but it was out of a field of eight, and one of the teams—Friends Helping Friends –was comprised primarily of people recovering from strokes.…

There is just one employee at the LCBO on Dupont who won’t let me bring our dog into the store. She’s in her 60’s, has a hairstyle from the 50’s and she calls everybody “honey.” She must be 30 years older than everybody else who works there, and I suspect that she’s been working at…

On Saturday, after an excellent dinner at some friends, Rachelle and I and the couple who hosted us, decided to play some Euchre. As always, it was the guys against the girls, with Chris and I taking on Rachelle and Jillian. It wasn’t even close. We were a well-oiled Euchre death machine, and were crushing…

Last night I had a dream that Susan Boyle died in a plane crash. This gave way to a state of global mourning that was utterly unprecedented, making the Lady Diana spectacle look like child’s play. As I am usually very prophetic, and always looking for an angle, I have decided to copywrite a commemorative…

On Friday afternoon, I went down to the passport office. I took the elevator up with two pimped out white boys wearing sunglasses. Plugged into their iPods and chewing gum, they were ready for action, making a display of their conversation for my benefit. “Yo, that bitch doesn’t know what she’s saying!” “Ho,” the other…