Category: Blog

It was 16 degrees out on Friday. Heidi and I strolled down Madison, passing the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority house, where privileged Daddy’s Girls were assembled on the steps and in the front yard. Some poked away on their MacBooks, while others, holding rakes like the entirely foreign objects they were, attempted yard work. They…

Last night, in a spirited yet demoralizing floor hockey match, The Jesus Cobras fell by a score of 4-3 to The Bomb Squad. The Bomb Squad was a team characterized by crisp, white t-shirts and headbands that were worn without a trace of irony. They had one dirty player, and one player who looked like…

The woman in front of me at the grocery store looks a little bit like a bird. She’s far too thin, her glasses make her eyes look massive and she has a nervous manner, hopping stiffly from one foot to the other. Her basket is full of organic carrots, a couple of bags of seeds…

It’s funny how two people might interpret the same thing. On Valentine’s Day, a fire truck with flashing lights, parked on the street near our apartment. It was obvious to me that they weren’t tending to a bona fide blaze, but had been called out on another matter. As I looked out the window, it…

Last night, at one in the morning, three people were in the process of moving into one of the apartments in the house next to us. Trying not to be creepy, I watched them at their task from my desk at the front window. It was raining out and they looked disorganized. Their cube truck…

Our real estate agent’s name is Rod, and I get the sense that he might be a very lonely man. He seems positively happy to spend his Saturday afternoons with us, as if it’s a relief for him to step outside of his life for a few hours. He’s quick to smile, and before either…

I’ve been on television three times now, and I’m not very good at. After each performance, I’m certain that the news agency that called me up, will never ask me back. I get nervous on air. I stammer and blink, rocking back and forth in my chair like somebody who was raised in a damp…

A certain somebody who shall remain nameless, recently told me that my Blog posts, “although sporadically diverting” were “WAY TOO LONG!!!”  She—I mean, he or she—went on to add “ not everybody cares about every little thought that pops into your head. Most of us have REAL lives and REAL jobs, and simply don’t have…

For a few weeks there in the winter, as a philanthropic effort, I was making soup and then distributing to homeless people down on Bloor Street. Unfortunately, this ended badly after the ground beef soup debacle. Apparently, the soup I made had been giving out was causing diaherra*1, which was not my intention. At any…