Category: Published Work

After desiring a relationship with writer Michael Murray for some time, Guerilla determined that the best course of action would be to buy his affection. We took it slow and kept things casual, suggesting only that he contemplate what he might like to contribute to our pages for the standard fifty-dollar honorarium. As we’d hoped,…

Shortly after I started high school, I went to the Towne Cinema on Beechwood Avenue in New Edinburgh and saw a midnight screening of Quadrophenia. It’s a rock opera composed by The Who, and pits the mouth-breathing Rockers against the dapper Mods, who all look like they own espresso machines.

It used to be that I never gave celebrities any credit at all. It was my presumption that they’d reached the lofty heights of adoration, not by talent, but by an unwitting physical charisma. They were stars in spite of themselves, and I always figured that all they had to do was just stand there…

For a long time, I’ve ridiculed both the Wheel of Fortune and those who count themselves among its fans. Some have claimed that I did so because I had a deep-rooted fear of wheels, but this is not the case. The truth is that I wanted people to think that I considered Wheel of Fortune just…

After my floor hockey team lost its fourth consecutive game by a double-digit margin, my teammates and I trudged off to a sports bar in order to complain about how dirty the other team was. The place was packed with men wearing hockey jerseys and baseball caps. Eating chicken wings and nachos, they used swear…

hey there eight minute dating people: the first question i have– and i mean this very sincerely– is whether this event is lame or not. when i get there will i want to shoot myself in the head? will i want to flee in despair? i’m also worried about the complimentary cheese. is it going…

Erected in 1903, the brick smokestack towered over Lansdowne Ave. until recently. Photo by Tanja Tiziana

Heroic qualities are infrequently associated with the name Walter, which is old-fashioned and lacks charisma and dynamism. It’s more likely the name of somebody who works as a high school chemistry teacher than somebody who, say, deals drugs.

Shia LaBeouf is the owner of one of the more absurd and pretentious names in Hollywood. Whether it was the burden of an “I’m Special” name that helped shape him into the apparent asshole he is, or whether it’s actually his native asshole capacity that keeps drunkenly asserting himself, is immaterial.