Elmo Press Conference
Trump administration Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders has been replaced by popular Sesame Street character Elmo.
This is his first press conference:
3:24 P.M. EDT
Elmo: Hi everybody!
Guess what Elmo is thinking about today!!
Afghanistan starts with the letter A!!
Do you know what else starts with the letter A??
Attitude! Elmo hopes all of you people in the press have really good attitudes today!!
President Trump is ordering another 4,000 troops into Afghanistan. President Trump took over a mess, and now America, and her global allies and partners, are going to make things a lot messier! Elmo loves to make a mess! Do you like to make a mess? America will be making a mess of terrorists in order to clean up the mess the previous administration made of Afghanistan! So remember, America will not be nation building, America will be killing terrorists!
Terrorists are bad!
Can you guess what else Elmo is thinking about today?
Ha, ha! Maybe you want to dance with Elmo? Elmo just loves to dance!
( Elmo dances)
Oh, Elmo so tired from dancing, Elmo almost forgot what Elmo was thinking about! Elmo remember! Elmo was thinking about Fake News!
Boo, Fake News, Boo!
Fake News is just about as bad as the terrorists!! Poor President Trump, he just wants to make America great again, and he has to fight terrorists AND fake news!! Such a hero!! Elmo loves heroes! Let’s all stand up and clap our hands for heroes!! Yay!!!
Elmo wants to say that although it is true President Trump briefly sized up the sun during yesterday’s eclipse, the President is not blind and is in perfect health!
That was fake news!! Elmo hates fake news! Elmo thinks that President Trump has such energy he might live forever! He is healthiest, most patriotic President of all time!! But even if the President had suffered significant blurring and fading of his vision during his encounter with the sun, which he hasn’t, there have been many great blind people in history! Do you like history?? Elmo loves history!
History says that America is great!
History also says that Daredevil was blind! And even blind Daredevil could still destroy all his enemies!!
Maybe Daredevil will visit Afghanistan?! Elmo thinks that would be so much fun! Wouldn’t that be fun?!
Remember to check Twitter to see when Daredevil might be appearing in Afghanistan!!
History also says that the great poet Milton was also blind, as well as musician Jose Feliciano!
And look, here’s Mister Jose Feliciano! Would you play a song for Elmo Mister Feliciano?!
Yay!! But first, Elmo thinks it is important to say that Mister Jose Feliciano is from Puerto Rico, not Mexico as many seem to think!
Elmo loves you Mister Jose Feliciano, thank you for the beautiful song!
Such a fun press conference!
Before Elmo leaves today Elmo wants to say just a few words about Jerry Lewis. That man kept us all laughing for over half a century, and his incredible charity work touched the lives of millions. Jerry lived the American Dream—he truly loved his country, and his country loved him back. Our thoughts are with his family today as we remember the extraordinary life of one of our greatest entertainers and humanitarians. Thank you, Jerry. You will be missed.
Elmo loves you all!!