The other night at a dinner party the topic of Chat Roulette came up. As you may recall, Chat Roulette was to become the next big thing. This web site allowed each user an opportunity to have a random video conversation with other people from all over the world. If you didn’t like your conversation, you could just hop off to the next one. The applications for this– educationally, artistically and communicatively– were immense, but of course it very quickly devolved into porn. Every time you clicked away in horror from the image of some dude masturbating beneath a blanket, you were inevitably greeted by another variation on this theme. It was demoralizing, this, and soon enough the site began to lose steam, becoming little more than a slimy, boner ghetto.
At any rate, a few of the people at dinner hadn’t heard of the site and were interested in trying it out. You know, they had to see it to believe it. One of these people was a rather adventurous priest, and I managed to convince him that he should go on Chat Roulette and try to save souls.
We were drunk.
These were the results:
Chat #1:
A man with only his naked torso visible is reclining on a sofa.
Priest: Do you work out? You have nice abs.
The subject then clicked off and we were propelled to our next chat session.
Chat #2:
A man wearing only a pair of white briefs and a Darth Vader mask with both of his hands down his underpants.
Priest: Lord Vader, is there anything you would like to confess to me?
Subject #2: I confess to being horny.
Priest: Who is generating this lust within you Lord Vader, is it Princess Leia?
Subject #2: I have a light saber for Princess Leia.
Priest: Is Princess Leia in chains?
Subject #2: Yes.
Priest: You know, you make Jesus cry when you interfere with yourself like that.
The subject then clicked off and we were propelled to our next chat session.
Chat #3
This was a group of about four dudes drinking in a dorm room. They burst out laughing when they saw us.
Dude #1: Are you a real priest!?
Priest: Yes.
Dude #2: Freak-out! Can you tell me what I’m thinking?!
Priest: I’m not a mind reader, I’m a priest, but I’m going to guess you’re thinking about getting drunk and then having sex.
Dude #4: That’s what we’re all thinking about! (sloppy high-fives and shots)
Me: It is God’s will.
Priest: No, it’s not God’s will, it’s their own will! They’re bored and spiritually impoverished!
Me: (To the priest) You’re bored and spiritually impoverished!
Priest: (sighs)
Dude #1: Are there any chicks there?
Me: We have a Miniature Dachshund.
This chat was then terminated and we jumped to the next one.
Chat #4
We were greeted by a middle-aged man dressed in priest vestments sitting at a desk in a darkened room.
Subject #3: Are you a real priest?
Priest: Yes, but I’m drunk. You?
Subject #3: Just drunk.
Priest: Oh.
And then the person clicked off and so did we.