Last month New York’s attorney general sued Donald Trump for $40 million, claiming that Trump University was engaged in deception at every level of the educational experience it offered to it’s students. Typically, it was asserted, the students were funneled into expensive and useless seminars, discovering that they were unable to even acquire the promised apprenticeships that have been such a boon to the business careers of the contestants on Trump’s reality show. To make matters worse, the students never even got to meet Trump, but instead had their photograph taken beside a life-sized picture of the man. Curious, I had a look at the syllabus for Trump University and these were some of the courses I found:
CLASS AND QUALITY
Our future leaders and business tycoons will learn about gold plating, Chinese food, sports pedicures and Europe from some of the loveliest contestants in the history of The Apprentice. This intensive course is uptown.
“The course I took on Class and Quality at Trump University really helped me become the man that I am. I owe Donald Trump a lot more than just money.”
–Dennis Rodman
If you want to climb the ladder to success, you need to take this course.
THE ART OF TWITTER
Trump, long known for his devastating wit and ability to conjure Le Mot Juste, is a master of communication. In this course, students will acquire the skills and techniques needed to learn to use Twitter to their best advantage so that they may enhance their brand, network effectively, disseminate message and defeat their loser enemies. We will do an in depth reading of the famous Twitter exchange between Donald Trump and loser TV writer Danny Zuker. *1
HYGIENE AND COLOGNE: “A MAN IS ONLY AS RICH AS HE SMELLS (* This course is only open to men)
Donald Trump knows that the key to success is more than just business acumen and acquiring the appropriate trophy wives. A man has to look good: he has to be clean. In this class many of Donald Trump’s secret grooming tips will be shared with, and only with, this exclusive group of quality and classy students. You will learn how to wear socks that make a winning statement, how to keep your nails clean without looking like a pushover in the boardroom and how often to bathe/shower/hot tub and whether it is appropriate for servants to see you naked. The answer might surprise! A clue, from Donald Trump, “Intimidation is key to any success in business.” (Includes a field trip to a sauna at a cost of $85 per student.)
BUSINESS AND BIG GAME HUNTING (Discontinued)
BEAUTY PAGEANTS AND SEX TAPES (Graduate level course)
After extensive viewing of course material, students in this seminar will learn how to expertly avoid being trapped in sex tapes by bitter ex-wives, business associates, competitive, ambitious friends of your daughter and prostitutes, and how to profitably and successfully navigate the complex, often dangerous landscape of beauty pageants.
*1 http://variety.com/2013/more/news/donald-trump-modern-family-writer-spar-on-twitter-1200487989/