An Interview with French actress Marion Cotillard I did for the Onion A.V. Club

Earlier in the week I had the crazy good fortune to interview French actress Marion Cotillard for the Onion A.V. Club. I met her at the Windsor Arms in Toronto where she was doing some promotion for her new film Rust and Bone.

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Me: Holy Mother of God, you are just stunning! You are insanely beautiful! Jesus!!

Marion: Thank you, that’s very sweet of you to say.

Me: Your voice is chocolate, French chocolate.

Marion: I see.

Me: I think I need my inhaler. Sorry. Jesus, this is embarrassing.

Marion: It’s all right.

Me: It’s just that you’re so beautiful. You’re luminous, like a cloud made of gold and light.

Marion: I’m just an actress who has agreed to talk to you about my new movie Rust and Bone that just opened in the United States.

Me: Yes, yes.

Marion: It is a wonderful film, very complex and beautiful.

Me: You train whales in this film, don’t you? You’re a beautiful marine biologist! I bet you look even better with your hair wet. It probably changes the way it smells. If I were a killer whale I would do whatever you told me to do!

Marion: Yes, well, the film is about a whale trainer who suffers a terrible accident where she loses her legs. She is both a physical and emotional amputee, and must let love back into her life. It was a very challenging role for me to play, but as an actor all you want to do is discover more about the human soul.

Me: You have such beautiful legs it would be a shame to lose them, even if it was just in a movie! But yeah, I think I know what you’re saying about the human soul. I get it. You were in Batman, too, weren’t you? I always thought you’d make a great Catwoman. Have you ever thought about being Catwoman? You’re more beautiful than Halle Berry times Michelle Pfeiffer times Anne Hathaway times Halle Berry again, plus all the old TV ones.

Marion: I think that they did marvelous jobs playing that role and I don’t think I’d want to repeat work that had been done so well. I like to always do something new, to always challenge myself.

Me: My wife thinks that I’m a real challenge.

Marion: I am sure that she does.

Me: What movie do you think you were most beautiful in?

Marion: It’s been a pleasure Mister Murray, but I am afraid I’m on a very tight schedule and I have an another appointment to keep now.