Author: Michael Murray

On Queen Street East, you see a lot of old men on bicycles. With the handlebars turned inside out, a man with a big, bushy biker beard wobbles down the street with a mysterious, half-full garbage bag slung over his shoulder. At the lights, he stops, picks something up off the street, stuffs it in…

As many of you know, Mr. Peanut, the taxidermied squirrel that I gave to Rachelle as a gift, has been missing since Halloween. We had VERY generously lent Mr. Peanut to our “friend” Jillian, so that she might incorporate him into her lame-o costume. Two days later, we heard from Jillian, telling us that Mr.…

Last weekend, Rachelle and I went to see the movie Paranormal Activity. Filmed on a budget of $15, 000 with a hand-held video camera, the film’s turned out to be an unqualified commercial hit. Presented in documentary style, a la Blair Witch Project, Paranormal Activity focuses on a young couple that are haunted by a…

There are two massive shooting stories in the news today. At Fort Hood, a massive military base in Texas, Major Nidal Malik Hasan, a Muslim Army psychiatrist stationed there, is alleged to have entered the Soldier Readiness Center and opened fire, killing 13 people and wounding 30 others. He was vehemently opposed to the war…

The other day, I popped into Woodgreen Discount Drugs at the corner of Queen and Logan. The customers, many thin with wide, startled eyes, had the appearance of people who truly needed both drugs and discounts. Beneath harsh, practical lighting that cast a kind of green pall over everything, I wandered around looking for an…

Mr. Peanut has been an integral, much loved part of our family for almost three years now. One Sunday while at the St. Lawrence Antique Market, Rachelle and I decided to give one another $20, and with that money, find a gift for one another. When I saw Mr. Peanut, I knew that he was…

Earlier in the day, I got a desperate letter from a desperate friend— http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=546111396&ref=profile#/note.php?note_id=172433126335&ref=mf –asking for my help in securing a date with Alec Baldwin for her. As I am generous and joyful of spirit, I have complied, and what follows is the letter I wrote: Dear Alec Baldwin: I read in some magazine somewhere…

Alright. I’m doing it. Right this second I’m watching the movie The Amityville Horror. And I’m alone, in my new apartment, which is situated in a one hundred year-old building that used to be a hotel. I’m fearless. Fucking fearless. You should know that I read the book back when I was kid in 1977.…

Beneath dreary lighting, an elderly woman stands in the Dollar Store. Her cane is hooked over her forearm, and in her hand she has about a half dozen birthday cards. With great tenderness she opens each one, reading the interior inscription, before finally deciding on one with a picture of a squirrel on it. Who…