After taking the dog for a walk yesterday I stopped off at Bonjour Brioche, a little bakery and cafe that I often pick-up lunch from. I ordered a quiche from the waiter and as I sat outside with our Dachshund, I could have sworn I heard him yell back to the guy working the line, “Yeah, it’s for the crazy guy!” It seemed clear that he was talking about me. I confronted him when he returned with my food, saying, “Crazy guy? Dude, that’s so harsh!” But he acted like he had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, and so, if I wasn’t actually the “crazy guy” before, I’m pretty sure that from this point forth, I will be.
I wrote Rachelle to tell her about this incident, and she very helpfully sent my email out to all of our friends, soliciting opinions on what I might have done to be thought of as “crazy” by the staff at Bonjour Brioche.
Here is a list of some of the responses, and when necessary, my rebuttal:
“It’s the cape, Michael, the stupid, fucking cape!”
–Jillian Dickens
The cape that Jillian refers to was a gift from my mother, who still, to this day, gives me Star Wars themed gifts, as she remembers how much I loved the movie as a boy. Yes, the cape is eccentric and has Darth Vader emblazoned on the back of it, but I only wore it a few times—on weather appropriate days—when my mother was in town.
“It might be the toothpaste stains on your shoes, clothes, face (sometimes glasses) and the clumps that often appear in you hair. Michael, some people might see this as evidence of craziness rather than the enthusiastic and energetic application of oral hygiene it so clearly is.”
–Margaret Atwood
This is a pretty good point, I guess. (Always leave it to Peggy to get to the heart of a matter.) I have always had difficulty mastering the electric toothbrush, as it sometimes feels like my wrist just isn’t strong enough to control the machinery.
“Didn’t Michael once say he broke down in tears at that place when they told him they had run out of Coca Cola?”
–Douglas Mason
This is true, but it only happened the once, and I explained to the staff that I was feeling very emotional that day because I had just seen Avatar, so I’m sure that couldn’t be the reason.
“Rachelle, is Michael still wearing Heidi’s leash as a belt, for, what did he say, “convenience” sake? And didn’t he fall down one day and get dragged along the sidewalk for 30 feet to the steps of that café where he was freed by the staff? I mean, do I really need to say anymore?”
–Keo Phokeo
This was a very embarrassing incident for me. Although Heidi is a Miniature Dachshund, she is very powerful, and when she saw that squirrel she took off like a goddamned missile. I have since stopped using Heidi’s leash as a belt on our walks.
“Is he still trying to sell goldfish on the street corner? That could be it.”
–Joe Macdonald
“Rachelle, remember when he thought that the earthquake was an alien invasion? Didn’t he run into some restaurant looking for people to help him protect “Mother Earth?”
–Julia Barylak
I did not run into Bonjour Brioche, but a nearby hardware store, as I figured weapons would be easier to acquire there, so I do not think that could be the reason.
“They’re totally right, he is crazy”
–Susan Typert
This was not a constructive comment.