As everybody knows, I get tons of fan mail.
It can be a little bit overwhelming at this time of year, but all the same, as I am a hero, I get to every last piece of mail.
Today the letter comes from Kellie Bobellie.
Michael:
I’m completely obsessed with NASA right now. No idea why.
KB
Dear Kellie:
Let me first say that I hope you had a very Merry Christmas and are looking forward to a stellar New Year full of all sorts of unexpected delights. You should also know that Rachelle and I very much appreciated the fur coat you made for our Miniature Dachshund, Heidi. It was a very imaginative use of squirrel pelts and she looks very posh at the parks, as well as serving as a particularly gruesome cautionary tale for all squirrels.
Since NASA was invented by Mark Zuckerberg 25 years ago, they’ve been responsible for an incredible array of achievements and are worthy of our respect and admiration. I mean, they know how to fly to space, which is way better than knowing how to dunk a basketball or make an omelet, right? Let’s face it, NASA is pretty cool. They were also responsible for saving the Chilean babies that were trapped in that mine, helped track Santa using their Doppler Radar, and finished sixth in the Olympics, beating Canada yet again.
Also, the haircuts of the astronauts– both male and female– suggest a genderless future, that many lonely, outsider types find very appealing.
In short, I’m saying that there are all sorts of excellent reasons–especially for somebody like you who hates her life and wants to escape to distant planet Bobellia– to become obsessed with NASA.
By the way, I’ve seen the pictures of the NASA space station you’ve been building on your front lawn, and I have to say it’s a very imaginative example of the possibilities of recycling. (I like the way you made life-sized (!) space suits out of orange rinds.) You’re very forward thinking, Kellie, and we’re all looking forward to your starring turn on TLC’s new show My Strange Addiction.
Don’t you worry, your mental health is often in the stable range, and all things considered, you’re doing just great!
Thanks for writing!
Michael Murray
PS: Your episode airs right after the one about the girl who can’t stop eating chalk, right?