On Thursday, at 10:30 in the morning, I underwent hernia surgery at the Shouldice clinic. Under the advice of a particularly hearty and vigorous looking patient, I decided to ask for the maximum allotment of drugs, as like him, I had no desire to lie there on the slab, anxiously trying to interpret whatever the operating physicians were saying to one another. The result of this was that I don’t remember one second of the surgery, which I was apparently conscious for, but I was also completely stoned out of my mind for the next couple hours, making all sorts of wild statements to people who both real and imagined. Rachelle came in for that tail end of my performance, and recorded the following gems:
1) I am Jack The Ripper, and I predict that the Wings will win in six. Ignore me at your own peril, for I have mastered many medical instruments.
2) Listen, when it rains you can sometimes hear thunder. QUIET!
3) I made a table out of my suitcase, so that the nurses have someplace to sit and catch their breath if their hernia’s start to hurt.
4) You’re not the cookie I asked for. Where’d the cookie go? You took it! I know you did! I’m buzzing the nurse!!!
5) Sono lucifer e lo ordinerò di fare mio aspettare. Il servo del diavolo, mi va a prendere una focaccina!!