Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund
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As many two-leggers now know, Heidi recently go to camp for two weeks and receive the word of the Lord and begin personal relationship with Jesus.
Jesus is only treat Heidi need.
Jesus let the light flow in.
A mighty fortress is my God.
Heidi very happy when she hear about The Rapture and how she to be called up to Paradise on Saturday.
Saturday usually very boring.
Heaven sound fun! Live in palace of fetch, eat endless meat bones, no devil cats and get to play with John Wayne’s hero dog Blackie!
Heidi go out on balcony to make Rapture easy. Sit in sun. Wait for God to make Heidi fly!
Nothing happen.
Heidi worry God think she not Good Dog, then hear that animals no have souls and so Heidi never get called to heaven, and Heidi think, What The Fuck?!
Heidi got more soul than Motown!
God think two-leggers better than dogs?
Why this?
Make no sense.
Dogs pure, honest, humble, strong, true to nature. Heidi righteous dog! No worship false idols. No take money from congregation to build big doghouse! Never find “family-values” dog in bus station bathroom stall with other dog doing unnatural acts! Not fair!! And Heidi find out that God always go around asking for blood sacrifice, always want burnt offering. He want animal blood, he want animal burnt! Why God always getting up on wrong side of the bed?! Always so angry at animals! God has issues. Need to see somebody.
God kill own son, you know.
What up with that?
If Heidi had litter and super powers, Heidi NEVER let Romans kill her puppy! Heidi turn Romans into ants! Heidi throw fire balls from eyes! Heidi make Jesus puppy into military aircraft! But God do nothing. Heidi think God never loved. Maybe why make so many rules and sadistic demands. Maybe God need a dog but never got dog and so he says dog have no soul.
Don’t know.
Something not right with way God think and act. Try to cover tracks by saying, “Oh, only know me through a glass darkly!” Yeah, me, too, God, me, too. Heidi’s ways impenetrable and full of mystery. When Heidi eat cheeseburger or bury bone, because Heidi have grand plan!
Heidi think that when The Rapture come it will be like thief in the night and that it take only dogs. Cats and two-leggers will be left to suffer tribulations.
Burn in fire.
Screaming and meowing everywhere!