Heidi Blog

Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund:

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Heidi been really fucking cold all winter.

Really, really bad.

Heidi not have big, messy coat of fur, all ragged and knotted and ugly, but very neat, sheer coat that perfectly outline Heidi’s athletic body. Think tights, but only for all of Heidi. Very sexy.

Bad part about having crazy sexy coat of fur is it not very warm! Heidi cold all the time. Not superficial cold, like cat, but real, to the bone dog cold. Heidi shiver. Want to live in sun! Can’t stop shaking, and then squirrels think Heidi scared, but Heidi not scared, Heidi never scared! Heidi just really, horrible ice cold!!  Heidi really hate stupid squirrels. All so fat right now. No pride in appearance. Heidi never let herself go like squirrels. Squirrels just tree garbage.

Cold really ruining quality of Heidi’s life, so said, “screw it,” and went out and bought a Canada Goose parka. It red.

Make Heidi look a little fat, but Heidi as cozy as if wrapped in duvet! Best thing ever! Make Heidi happy!

Heidi out for walk the other day in new parka and see all sorts of two-leggers in line. Angry two-leggers. Holding tree bits and yelling as if everything they see was a Bad Dog!!

And then they look at Heidi and they yell at Heidi!! Why?! Why yell at Heidi!? Heidi Good Dog!! Turn out two-leggers mad because Heidi have parka that keep her warm! Say Heidi cruel and kill coyote for jacket fur!

Heidi hate coyotes! Very happy to kill coyote!! Heidi see coyote once when walking in woods and OMG it was so scary Heidi almost peed!! Heidi just froze! Only tim Heidi EVER scared! Didn’t know what to do! Real nightmare.

Coyote love to kill Dachshund! It is coyote favourite thing! And coyote gang-up, hunt in numbers so not fair! Heidi fight like a dog, one on one, but not coyote!! Coyote have no mercy, no honour, just kill, kill, kill, so Heidi not feel bad for one second for killing coyote to stay warm! So Heidi bark at two-leggers and snarl, and two-leggers flinch and suddenly smell like fear! Ha! Heidi not even have good mobility because of parka, but still they terrified! It good to be Heidi.