As I’ve been the President of a UFO Club (FFSC– Friends of Flying Saucer Club) for almost 14 months, it’s my responsibility to pay close attention to all celestial activity. As most of you know, a full lunar eclipse took place over my “zone of observance” (Toronto) in the early morning hours of December 21st. It was during this sky ballet, that my team believed the aliens would be revealing themselves.
Unfortunately, the three other members of the FFSC were subject to a parental curfew imposed upon them due to High School exams, and were unable to attend the scheduled Watch-On! (A Watch-On! is the term the FFSC uses to describe any period of time when club members get together for intensive sky watching. This usually happens, but not exclusively, after one of us has seen an alien-themed movie or viewed one of those YouTube videos about spaceships invading Mexico.)
This curfew was disappointing to all of us, but particularly Parvinder, the club treasurer, who was very much looking forward to drinking some of the beer I had bought for the team, and told me, “ I can do the Math in my sleep! I don’t need to study for that bitch-ass exam! My parents are dongs!”
I have to admit to being a little bit anxious about possibly meeting the aliens alone, and so I had a few drinks before hand, which seemed to infuse me with an incredible warmth and confidence. It was like the aliens were sending me thought messages in my brain, letting me know that everything was going to be just fine when they landed.
When I got to Jimmy Simpson Park on Queen East at 1:30 in the morning, feeling friendly, I waved and approached the first cluster of people I saw, a couple of guys and two dogs standing around a burning trashcan.
I was greeted by a man in jean jacket with an illustration of an Impala on it, “Hey, fellow traveler! I’m Atari, and this is my dog hang-over!” I introduced myself to him and his group, explaining my position as President of the FFSC and received some high-fives. After sharing some introductory drinks and pills, we began to speak of the voices in our heads and what we thought the aliens were trying to say through them.
A man who went by the name of 7-Up told us that Santa– although he wasn’t real– was an alien. This gave us all pause, and so we stood there thinking about that, looking up at the lunar eclipse, waiting for either the aliens or God to break through the sky.
And then 7-Up kind of freaked-out, shouting, “The moon is like a little girl running from a bigger girl! We’re all little girls running from bigger girls! The prophecy has come true!!” And then he ran away, his dog chasing after him, and then the rest of us scattered, too, each one frightened of what might happen next.