The other day while Rachelle and I were in the midst of moving from one apartment to another, I found myself on the phone with Bell Tech Support. The conversation went on for a long time.
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Tech: alkdlasgapabne[[oagbafsjg[[ag//dasb ps[?
Me: I’m not sure. The internet connection still isn’t working.
Tech: labkijpwut—0-b-29uagslb[[p??
Me: So, what part of the world do you live in? I’m in Toronto, as I guess you know.
Tech: Toronto, too. wpagfcpsb-=we?
Me: No, all the green lights are flashing. So, what did you dress up for at Halloween?
Tech: I didn’t really dress-up. Aldhaobhewp9203ts.
Me: I just did that. Nothing. What do you mean you “didn’t really dress-up?” I mean, either you did or you didn’t, right?
Tech: aldpoqwp20439.
Me: Oh, I guess I did that wrong. Hold on while I try to open an new window. Alright. Nope, that didn’t work either.
Tech: 02gaosdinblxiwp?
Me: Yes, it’s a Mac. Did you cry when Steve Jobs died?
Tech: I was sad but I didn’t cry. Adijpw-0-//>
Me: I didn’t cry either. I’m pretty tough. You’re avoiding the Halloween question.
Tech: +))(ksagugwqo? I dressed my son up as a tiger. I was too tired to make a costume for myself. What were you?
Me: Although I thought I was some kind of ghost, apparently, I was Woody Allen. I tell you, this is the celebrity resemblance I get the most. Kind of depressing. What celebrity do people tell you that you look like?
Tech: (powp(–+.?33#
Me: No, it’s still trying to open it.
Tech: I don’t know, I don’t look like anybody.
Me: I bet you look like somebody.
Tech: No, I’m just a Plain Jane. U5y`+lsadkjvo?
Me: Oh. Hold on. I didn’t notice that. Okay, what box should I go to?
Tech: we5$.
Me: So, a Plain Jane, eh? Do people call you PJ? I think that would be a pretty good nickname for a Plain Jane, although I doubt you’re actually a Plain Jane.
Tech: I don’t have a nickname. I’m new to the country and I don’t have very many friends.
Me: Can I guess your accent?
Tech: p9w=m,zz:
Me: Nope, that doesn’t work either. Are you Spanish? You sound Spanish to me, like you know how to ride a horse and play the castanets.
Tech: I am from Eastern Europe.
Me: Oh my God. I’m so far off! I’m horrible at accents! Did I just insult you? Do you hate Spain, is it the first country you invade when you’re playing Risk?
Tech: owi0208+#^xl…ML))*
Me: No way! That actually worked! You’re awesome! Eastern Europeans, brilliant tennis players, chess masters and tech support geniuses!
Tech: Is there anything else I can help you with today Mister Murray?
Me: Yes. Steve Jobs, his last words were “Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh wow.” What would you like your last words to be?
Tech: ? ??? ????????? ??? ???? ? ???, ??? ??????????? ?????, ??? ????? ???? ? ???????.
Me: What does that mean?
Tech: It is my secret. You have an nice afternoon, Mister Murray, it has been nice speaking with you.