A friend of mine used to work at the Bank of Montreal where she helped provide technical support for on-line banking. One of the things she liked to do when killing time on the job was to scroll through the answers people provided to the security questions the bank used as a safeguard for each account. You all know the types of questions.
Who did you take to the prom?
What was your maternal grandmother’s first name?
What was your favourite sports team as a child?
What was the name of your first pet?
Stuff like that.
Her favourite category to peruse was “What is the nickname you have for your spouse?”
Curious about this, I asked her if it was possible if she could send me a sample of some of these nicknames and so she did, emailing a list from the security questions of accounts that had been terminated:
Ham Wallet
Godzilla Chest
Uncle Sam
Ma Bitch
Princess Fartina
Strong Leg
Chinklet
Frito
Commander Cutie
Gogo Bear
My Little Crumpet
Swamp Donkey
Kutty
The Red Rooster
Slave
Cheeky Sleeky Meeky Monkey
Seven Of Nine
The Way
Nalgas
Fran Of Darkness
Sexmatronic
Poothead
Carrot
Donkey Fart Super Punch
Ally Bally Baby Boo
The Wife
My Lil Nosey Bug
Dime
Johnny Cash
The Heat Wave
Five Star
Woo
Farero Huzzle
Slut
My Bocce Ball