For those of you who don’t know, the Gemini Awards are given out annually to honour excellence in Canadian television production. It’s like the Emmy Awards, only as it’s Canadian, less so.
On Wednesday the award’s ceremony took place here in Toronto, and two of my friends, the irritatingly talented duo of Jon “The Big Steak” Evans and Gerard “The Little Butler” Tevlin, were nominated for Best Original Music Score for an Animated Program or Series.
Since they lack confidence and are inarticulate music guys, I offered to write them a victory speech in the unlikely chance that they might win.
I just like to help.
It’s the way I am.
This is the speech (and direction) that I wrote for them on a series of cocktail napkins:
As they take the stage Gerard begins clapping his hands above his head.
“What up, Toronto, what up?”
Jon: “ Gemini be up!” At this point he hoists the award above his head.
After the roaring of the crowd subsides, and various Soy Bomb type infiltrators have been removed from the stage, Gerard takes the Mic.
Gerard: First of all, I want to give thanks to Jesus Christ our lord and savior. He is the reason and the season, and if it wasn’t for him. then we wouldn’t be the awesome music making machines that we are. He gives us our glory!
Jon: I also want to sincerely thank the academy for this validation of our brilliance, and for supporting our troops as they fight against terror in Ifghanistan! Terror is wrong!
At this point Jon throws his arms up into the air, inciting the crowd into wild cheers.
Gerard takes Mic.
Word. On another important note, I just want to thank our competition for being so lame. They were easy to crush. Next year, I think that instead of using musical instruments for our compositions, Jon and I will just use shoes– even out the competition a bit.
Jon takes the Mic.
I want to thank my beautiful wife Lindsey and our gorgeous daughter Afi. (He then points at them in the crowd and winks.)
Gerard then grabs the Mic.
I want to thank Sylvia, the love of my life, and my house!
Jon grabs Mic back.
I want to thank Michael Murray, who thankfully does not write musical scores for animated programs or series, because if he did, he would be the Wayne Gretzky of the industry. A dynasty. A fucking king. He is amazing, and if not for him, I wouldn’t have a clue what to say. I’d just be standing here staring out at you like I’d just been electrocuted.
Gerard, from the background: Word, word!
Jon: To conclude, I just want to say thank you, and want all the struggling teens out there to remember, It Get’s Better!
And then Gerard, jumping up and down as the Mic recedes into the stage and music plays them out, shouts, “Save the seals and whales!! Bigfoot is real!!”
PS: Jon and Gerard won, and although they did not read the speech I wrote for them, I am still immensely proud of their accomplishment, utterly delighted for them, and even happier to know them.
PPS: This is a photograph of Jon and Gerard celebrating in their hotel room later that night. The NSFW one’s will be posted later on a different web site.