Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is considered something of a celebrity over in Russia. Because of this, a popular magazine called The Beating has hired Ford to serve as an Olympic correspondent, maintaining a daily blog for their web site. As it’s a slow time in the campaign cycle, the Mayor and several of his staff were flown over by billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov and given credentials to cover the games. These are Ford’s blog posts over the first week of the Sochi Olympics:
Day 1
Firstly, I just want to thank Mikhail Prokhorov for flying me over to beautiful Sochi to report on the Olympic games for a publication as respected as The Beating! Mikhail is a class act and a great example of what the free market can accomplish and why traditional family values must be upheld!
I want to say how much I love Russia and their culture. I really get it. It’s just a great party, 24/7, and the sensible restrictions they impose on the media are something that Canada, Toronto in particular, desperately needs. There is a lot we can learn from Russia, and not just about drinking! (LOL)
I’m a straight shooter, so I have to tell you that the Opening Ceremonies are not really my thing. Personally, I find them a little airy-fairy, more for the wife than for me, so I have to admit I didn’t watch them, choosing instead to take in some MMA with staff and new friends. I tell you, you Russians are warriors! You wouldn’t know it from how you fight in hockey, but in the Octagon? Ass kickers!
Day 2
No blog post.
Day 3
That guy, Johnny Quinn? Fucking awesome! He is the hand’s down star of the Olympics. Not only does he have a movie star/astronaut/ fireman name but he played in BOTH the NFL and the CFL, AND just broke down his own bathroom door when it wouldn’t unlock!
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve found myself in the same friggin’ position and responded with exactly the same kind of rage, confusion and entitlement that Quinn showed. This guy is not just the Olympic spirit stuffed in an athlete’s body, but is a shining example of how capitalism bashed through the walls of communism to bring freedom to the great people of Russia!
Day 4
Simply cannot believe how gross Bob Costas’s eyes have become. They make me want to puke.
Day 5
I haven’t seen any beggars here in Sochi. In Toronto they cover downtown like a disease, always asking for handouts. I’ve only given money to a beggar once, a lady one who was wearing a Denver Bronco’s hat, my favourite team. I will always give money to a Broncos fan, but never to anybody else, because of the free market.
There should be football in the Winter Olympics. You know, a big, huge snow bowl. A women’s game, too, because I am entirely for equality of the opposite sexes.
Day 6
No blog post
Day 7
I got to say, the athletes here are freaking beautiful. Super sexy. Justine Dufour-Lapointe? Holy fucking shit. I’ve gotten my staff to get me that Tinder dating App– which is what all the athletes are using to hook-up ( http://sochiontinder.tumblr.com/ )– and am hoping maybe to get the opportunity to party with her and the Jamaican bobsled team, who I bet get tons of tail. Anyway, I’d also like to meet some of the Dutch girl speed skaters. Those outfits, the superhero ones that cover them like skin, are dead sexy.
P.S: So far, I’ve only seen four dead dogs, so I don’t know why the LIBERAL media was making such a big deal about that.