Category: Blog

December 1, 2009 Dear Rachelle Maynard: As Captain of the Jesus Cobras, it is our obligation to report any complaints we have received about your team to you. Like last season, we’ve once again received a number of complaints concerning the sportsmanship of the Jesus Cobras, with many teams reporting that it’s “stressful” and “not…

From behind the bar, with the same amount of pride that a person from a previous generation might have reserved for a proclamation of home ownership, the bartender announced that she was a vegetarian. It’s Tuesday night around 10:00, and there are only a handful of people in The Comrade. A quiet girl, still with…

On Friday, Rachelle and I had a new gas stove delivered. The guys who hooked it up were probably around 30 years old, and speaking with their West-Indian accents, they struck me as effortlessly cool. Immediately, I wanted them to like me. Of course, I’m worse than incompetent when it comes to any mechanical matter,…

In front of the Leslieville Cheese Market on Queen East, hipster dads wearing sneakers stand waiting for their wives. Each man is in charge of a baby stroller and the family dog. Feeling a kind of silly camaraderie, the men trade pleasantries about the day while their wives shop for expensive Cambonzola. Directly beside the…

As some of you know, I play on awful lot of Scrabble on-line. I may not be the best player in the world, and I might have difficulty improving my skills, but I try my best, play honestly, and always exhibit the finest sportsmanship, which can’t be said of all of my opponents. Recently, I…

Boarding the number two at Rideau and Nelson, the bus driver warns me not to swallow the two quarters I have pinched between my lips. Adding cheerfully, “you’ll get sick to your stomach and then I’ll have a mess to clean up!” At the Rideau Center, a woman dressed in generic work clothes she probably…

Tuesday has been proving to be misty and imperfect. It’s not unpleasant, just slightly damp, but for Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund, it’s a world of dramatic misery. If there’s even the hint of rain in the air, she’ll begin to shiver and moan and write bad poetry. It’s embarrassing, particularly because if I take her…

SOME SUPER-POWERS THAT WOULD REALLY MAKE MY LIFE EASIER 1. The ability to encircle myself with a repellent Dodge Ball force field. 2. The ability to instantly know exactly what to have for lunch everyday. 3. The ability to do my winter boots up lightning quick, even if the laces are frozen or sopping wet.…

Hola! As most of you folks know, Rachelle and I moved into a new apartment at the start of October. Since then we’ve been working like slave dogs trying to get the place semi-respectable. Recently, we felt that we accomplished this goal, and so, with great pride, I decided to make a little “video tour”…