Category: Blog

Last weekend while Rachelle and I were in Montreal we stopped in to the Museum of Fine Arts to see the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibit. I’ve always had a passing interest in fashion, but really don’t know that much about it or Gaultier in particular. He usually wore a French sailor’s top, he did that…

What follows is a series of text messages that my friend Trish sent me from her day in divorce court as she did battle with her soon to be ex-husband Pete. ******************************** “Oh my God, Pete’s wearing his super-ugly corduroy suit in order to impress the judge. It’s fucking August! He’s sweating like a pig!!”…

The girl working at the food counter in the basement of La Masion Ogilvy looked a little bit like Hillary Swank, which is to say that she had not yet realized she might be beautiful. The place was as quiet, still and soundless as a retirement home and a sense of sadness in the present…

On Thursday Rachelle and I took a cab down to Union Station in order catch our train to Montreal. It was in the middle of a punishing heat wave and it was rush hour, which meant that everybody on the road was frayed, tense and inching ever closer to exploding into a kind of psychosis.…

The Mayor of Toronto is a man named Rob Ford. He and his older brother Doug, a city councillor, loom over the city like a tag-team wrestling duo about to leap off the turnbuckle of the grappling ring. They both have small, beady eyes, thin, almost colourless hair and lack subtlety. They believe in football,…

As many of you know I’m involved in numerous different fantasy baseball pools. This method of investment is the primary means by which I manage Rachelle and our retirement funds, and as such my success is very, very important. Sadly, this has been a very bad year and I just wanted to single out some…

On Sunday night at Chez Lucien a man in his mid-30’s sits drunk at the bar. Wearing a white t-shirt and a Jack Daniels baseball cap, he has a wiry frame and a construction worker’s tan. He’s not creating any trouble, but he’s at the point where he’s morphed into a different version of himself,and…

Wednesday (July 20th) was the 40th anniversary of the NASA moon landing. This reminded me of my first and only formal debate which took place in Miss McCulloch’s grade seven class at Queen Elizabeth Public School in Ottawa. I was arguing that the NASA moon landing was a fake. I had assumed this position because…

I’ve never had a driver’s license in my life. Last week I took the first step toward acquiring one by taking the written portion of the test. You should know that I actually really like tests. I’m entirely awesome at them. I’m like the Iron Man of tests. I can just fly in and blast…