Author: Michael Murray

Yesterday, I wrote on my Blog about finding myself feeling abandoned and hopeless in the wake of the Tiger Woods scandal, and turning to the bible for some comfort and guidance. The random passage that I came across (this is known as a “bible dip”) was some sort of biblical census full of a bunch…

  I’ve been pretty demoralized ever since the Tiger Woods scandal broke. I thought he was THE MAN, and now I know that he is just a man. I have taken down two of my Tiger Woods posters, (the third one, located in the kitchen, looks too good to remove, I think. Dude, looks awesome…

Most nights, just before dinner, I take Heidi– our Miniature Dachshund– over to Jimmy Simpson Park. It’s now dark at this time, but the lights at the tennis courts come on at 6:30, and this, combined with the ambient light of the neighbourhood, is usually enough to partially illuminate a portion of the park. There’s…

December 1, 2009 Dear Rachelle Maynard: As Captain of the Jesus Cobras, it is our obligation to report any complaints we have received about your team to you. Like last season, we’ve once again received a number of complaints concerning the sportsmanship of the Jesus Cobras, with many teams reporting that it’s “stressful” and “not…

From behind the bar, with the same amount of pride that a person from a previous generation might have reserved for a proclamation of home ownership, the bartender announced that she was a vegetarian. It’s Tuesday night around 10:00, and there are only a handful of people in The Comrade. A quiet girl, still with…

On Friday, Rachelle and I had a new gas stove delivered. The guys who hooked it up were probably around 30 years old, and speaking with their West-Indian accents, they struck me as effortlessly cool. Immediately, I wanted them to like me. Of course, I’m worse than incompetent when it comes to any mechanical matter,…

In front of the Leslieville Cheese Market on Queen East, hipster dads wearing sneakers stand waiting for their wives. Each man is in charge of a baby stroller and the family dog. Feeling a kind of silly camaraderie, the men trade pleasantries about the day while their wives shop for expensive Cambonzola. Directly beside the…

As some of you know, I play on awful lot of Scrabble on-line. I may not be the best player in the world, and I might have difficulty improving my skills, but I try my best, play honestly, and always exhibit the finest sportsmanship, which can’t be said of all of my opponents. Recently, I…

Boarding the number two at Rideau and Nelson, the bus driver warns me not to swallow the two quarters I have pinched between my lips. Adding cheerfully, “you’ll get sick to your stomach and then I’ll have a mess to clean up!” At the Rideau Center, a woman dressed in generic work clothes she probably…