Author: Michael Murray

As many of you will have heard, one of our Euchre nights went very badly a little while ago. The police became involved, and unfortunately, I am now legally obligated to attend Anger Management Training, even though I DO NOT have a problem controlling my temper. The first session of the stupid-ass training took place…

Usually my screensaver is a photograph of the four ghosts from the classic video game Pac-Man. However, when I’m playing music off my laptop, but am otherwise inattentive to it, something kind of spooky happens. For some reason, my computer opens up my library of photographs, and to whatever music is on, runs a slide…

The other day, Rachelle and I took the dog for a walk down Bloor. As is often the case, there were a couple of people from Greenpeace on the sidewalk looking for donations. They’re kind of irritating and guilt inducing, of course, but not aggressively so. They’re always a pair of healthy, attractive looking college-aged…

On Monday night, some sort of flying bug got loose in our apartment. This made me a little bit anxious, but as I wanted to show some leadership for Rachelle, I didn’t let on that it was scaring me. However, our dog completely lost her shit, spending the entire night hunting the thing. It was…

On Sunday afternoon, Rachelle and I took the dog over to Huron Park School in order to play a little hockey. Essentially, we just shoot the ball around while Heidi– our miniature Daschund– charges after the ball like a maniac. The dog could not be happier. Her tail beats like a propeller and a huge…

On Saturday afternoon we went to see a movie called Orgasm Inc. Rachelle told me that it was an “arty” and “provocative” movie starring Salma Hayek and a Sport’s Illustrated Swimsuit model that had been banned in several countries. Naturally, I was a world of keen to see this, but when we approached the Bloor…

It’s because the earth continues to wobble on its axis ?that we continue to stumble down the streets of the heart. ?It’s because of the loneliness of the first cell trying to swim ?through its primordial pool that we are filled with a kind of ?galactic fear. For example: one moment a rocket falls ?capriciously…

As you probably know, the Jesus Cobras finished our floor hockey season in fourth place. This would have been pretty impressive if it had been out of a field of 1,000, but it was out of a field of eight, and one of the teams—Friends Helping Friends –was comprised primarily of people recovering from strokes.…

There is just one employee at the LCBO on Dupont who won’t let me bring our dog into the store. She’s in her 60’s, has a hairstyle from the 50’s and she calls everybody “honey.” She must be 30 years older than everybody else who works there, and I suspect that she’s been working at…