Author: Michael Murray

On Saturday, after an excellent dinner at some friends, Rachelle and I and the couple who hosted us, decided to play some Euchre. As always, it was the guys against the girls, with Chris and I taking on Rachelle and Jillian. It wasn’t even close. We were a well-oiled Euchre death machine, and were crushing…

Last night I had a dream that Susan Boyle died in a plane crash. This gave way to a state of global mourning that was utterly unprecedented, making the Lady Diana spectacle look like child’s play. As I am usually very prophetic, and always looking for an angle, I have decided to copywrite a commemorative…

On Friday afternoon, I went down to the passport office. I took the elevator up with two pimped out white boys wearing sunglasses. Plugged into their iPods and chewing gum, they were ready for action, making a display of their conversation for my benefit. “Yo, that bitch doesn’t know what she’s saying!” “Ho,” the other…

Up on Dupont, there’s some sort of store that repairs and sells musical instruments. In front of the shop they often display a piano with a sign on it that says PLAY ME. As I was approaching the store, I saw an older man who must have been in his late 60’s approach it. He…

On Monday night, Rachelle and I babysat her nephews, William and Samuel, aged 5 and 7. We love these boys and endeavor to spoil them. Rachelle chooses to do this by giving them candy, whereas my preferred method is to give them Scratch N’ Win tickets. I think it’s wise to get children thinking about…

When it rains, my dog sighs. She swans about like Joni Mitchell and then burrows under the covers. Oh, the melancholy! Normally, when I leave the house without her, she explodes into a desperate panic of barking, thinking that I’ve simply forgotten her. However, when it’s raining out, she doesn’t bark. She’s hopeful that she’s…

The Jesus Cobras floor hockey season has came to a swift end on Wednesday. I won’t go into any details, but I will say that I don’t regret a single thing that I did and that I’m pretty sure that Korean girl on The Bomb Squad was faking her separated shoulder. At any rate, although…

The other day, while walking Heidi down Bloor, the wind took my hat. It was a Fedora that I’ve had since high school. I do believe that I bought it at a second hand store on Elgin Street in Ottawa called Johnny Upstairs. I probably wanted to look like a member of The Specials, tried…

Standing in line before me at the Second Cup was a young woman. It looked to me like she had a crush on the guy who was working there. Her eyes were alert and alive and she had a big, beautiful smile on her face that she seemed to have absolutely no control over. When…