Biden

—

by

Michael Murray
in

As you might have heard, Joe Biden has announced his bid for the Presidency in 2020.

The email campaign has begun, but not without some initial hiccups. The inaugural effort produced this result:

 

 The journalist who received this email, Heather Havrilesky, was amused, considering Biden’s language a little bit of a “tell” in regards to his feelings about women.Here are some of the revised texts that are now being sent out via email:

“Heather–

America is a football field. Based on the founding principle that all men and women and other people on the gender spectrum must be tackled.”

“Heather–

America is a hammer. You are a nail.”

“Heather–

You are a nail. A very pretty nail with fragrant, healthy hair. America is a hammer. A big, big hammer.”

“Heather–

America is a set of excellent golf clubs. You are a shiny, white ball, dimpled and cute.”

“Heather–

America is a popsicle. You will lick the popsicle and it will taste good.”

“Heather–

America is a lineup in a sub-optimal amusement park. I am the gift shop.”

“Heather–

America is an airport mall. Based on the fondling principle that if people are bored they will buy things.”

Heather–

Yes, America is an airport mall. But it is not based on a “fondling principle,” but a “founding principle.” I am sorry and I am listening. Call me. ”