Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund
*****************************************
Heidi been planning escape for long, long time.
Sick of no fun prison!
No liberty for Heidi. Eat only when two-leggers say eat, only go out when two-leggers say to go out, and then they make me pull them along by leash, like Heidi their slave. So lazy! It really piss Heidi off! And when bark at enemy ghost mouse, two-leggers yell at Heidi! They have mean cats in their brain heads, very mean cats!!
Been studying four-eyed-two-legged-treat-giver and it clear he not very smart. Has trouble with TV remote, not know how to set own watch and water plants long dead! Plan on leaving when he alone in den without tall pack leader. He very bad watcher! Just stare at TV programs hardly notice Heidi at all!
Each morning four-eyed-two-legged-treat-giver go out back and sit on metal stairs that lead to gravel garbage lot outside of pack den. He just sit drinking hot water from mug, staring, trying to kill the fear in his mind. He think Heidi scared of cold, steel stairs, because Heidi never gone down stairs, but Heidi not scared! Heidi lulling him into false sense of security!
Yesterday four-eyed-two-legged-treat-giver sit out with drink humming stupid Bob Marley song, back door wide open! Heid watch him, pretend like she just sitting there in sun, but when four-eye get scared by bee and start to wave arms around, spilling the hot drink sauce on himself, he began to scream, and Heidi take opportunity and bolt down stairs to freedom!!
Such a fast dog!
Plan to live in green park with many balls! Dig holes and lick self whenever want! Bark at squirrel and slaughter cats. Eat all dog treats that fall from trees! Get married to Jupiter—stud Doberman of park—and have beautiful litter of mouse hunters!
On way to beautiful horizon of new life thought I saw something move in upside down box lying on ground at foot of stairs. Smell funny. Stop and bark, bark, bark, bark. Scream at box! Try to dig under box! Will have whatever in box! Stupid box! Bark, bark, bark!
And then four-eyed-two-legged-treat-giver sneak up from behind and pick Heidi up. So like a cat! Won’t meet Heidi face to face! So cowardly! He carry Heidi back up stairs to den, yelling BAD DOG, BAD DOG, and as he doing this, Jupiter walk by with master! Could have died of embarrassment!
Hate my life!
Wish I never barked at box and gave away position!
Don’t’ know why I did that.
Maybe Heidi have ADD or anxiety disorder.
Don’t know.