Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund:
Heidi big star.
Known all over world.
Not just because Heidi so cute she make your teeth hurt, or because Heidi so fast you think, “BLACK AND TAN LIGHTING JUST FLASH FROM SKY!!,” also because Heidi such a great writer it make you want to give up and cry. Maybe try hard drug and then later when feel empty after rehab, start to cut yourself just to see if still feel.
Heidi can be very damaging for self-esteem of others.
Heidi not bragging, just telling it like it is.
So Heidi get huge amount of fan mail. So many requests. So many dirty pitchers of dog penises! It all crazy!
Recently Heidi receive request from the Ilford Animal Cemetery in England.
Animals who fought and died for pathetic two-leggers, buried there. Coward two-leggers disgust Heidi! Enslave animals to fight for them! Make Heidi sick. Many stories of brave animals who die for stupid two-leggers lost, and now two-leggers want Heidi to write about hero animals who received medal for bravery.
Even though Heidi hate two-leggers Heidi say yes because of money.
You don’t want to know how much Heidi get paid for this gig.
So much money and treat you wouldn’t believe.
Beauty, Rescue Dog No. 3477/9277:
Beauty was a Bedlington Terrier, so name not true. Wire-haired Terrier dog ugly.
Very ugly. So ugly make Heidi barf, and not the sort of barf you want lick up. So Beauty probably shunned by other dogs. Possible Beauty depressed, had no choice but to work suicide job for coward two-leggers. Beauty rescued 63 animal from rubble, including some cats, so know Beauty not right in head, but still, in end, Beauty good dog, in spite of bad looks!
Peter, Rescue Dog No. 2664/9288:
Peter a beautiful Border Collie. Very hot. Heidi would have liked to have met Peter in bushes on dangerous escape. Would have made passionate, urgent love! Maybe in different life Peter be Baby Daddy for Heidi. Peter titan amongst dog, might have saved up to one million lives. Peter not very, very good dog, Peter very, very great dog! Peter hate Hitler.
Tyke, Carrier Pigeon 1263 MEPS 43
Two-legger steel death birds that drop fire always carry real bird with them.
When two-legger fake bird crash, real bird flies off with message that say where flightless, useless crew is. This make bird hero? All bird do is fly. It what bird do. If Heidi dig hole, does Heidi get medal? NO! Heidi told, BAD DOG, and then get sprayed with hose!! For sure something bad happen to Heidi. No make sense. Anyway, if Heidi carry message to Tyke it would say, “Guess can’t expect much from bird, but Tyke, you gave world as much as you could, so rest in peace, little brother!”
