One of the more upsetting things to have happened in the last week was news that 68 year-old actor Michael Douglas attributes the type of throat cancer he had to the HPV virus, or more specifically, to cunnilingus.
I did not want that image in my head.
It’s a haunting, is what it is, and I think I would rather be plagued by the image of a baby being pulled from a sewage pipe in China or of doomed storm chasers trying to drive through an apocalyptic tornado in Oklahoma. I just don’t want to have to think about Michael Douglas doing that, okay?
With that in mind, and in an effort to cleanse my mind of the image by actually exploding it, I have created a list of some other things that should never be associated together.
Rob Ford: Cunnilingus
Jack Nicholson: Cunnilingus
Toenail: Kickstand
Groupon: Dentistry
Donald Trump: Showering and/or Cologne Application
Joan Rivers: Blowjob
Michael Douglas: Blowjob
Ann Coulter: Sex tape
Rob Ford: Your washroom
Compound fracture: A Parent
Cosplay: Olympic Event
Segway Tour: Wine Country
Comments
One response to “Michael Douglas HPV link to cancer–list of comparably disturbing things.”
Vaginas. THOUSANDS of vaginas.