My love letters with Margaret Thatcher

I attended McGill University in the late 1980s and in my last semester went on exchange to the University of London. It was here, improbably, after a lecture on Climate Change of all things, that I met Margaret Thatcher. A brief but very intense, May/December romance blossomed between us and now that she has passed away, I would like, for the first time, to share our love letters with the world.

 

Dear Michael:

It was my honour to take your virginity last night. For your first time, you were certainly adequate and I commend you.

Best wishes,

Prime Minister Thatcher

 

Dear Margaret:

Wow!

Just wow!

I guess I thought it was going to be softer or something, but man, it was still great and strange and gross and awesome! Just thinking about it now, I can summon your talcum powder scent and hear your hurried, instructional breathing once again.

I had no idea that there were different “positions.” I think I would like to try every “position” with you.

Love,

Michael

XO

 

Dear Michael:

Your youthful enthusiasm and attempts at a British accent while drunk amuse me. However, I must candidly admit that I do not see a future for us, or even for you in the unforgiving economy of the real world that awaits you after university, but for now you are functional.

Please call my driver (I gave you his personal number three days ago, remember?) at 10:45 tonight.

Regards,

Prime Minister Thatcher

 

Margaret:

I had never done it in a Limo before!

Let me tell you, you are my Falkland Islands.

You are my one, true prom.

You are the Vice-Principal I always dreamed about, and I really appreciate how you’re helping me with my elocution.

Love,

Mike

xo

PS: By the way, Great Britain seems like a name that holds itself in very high regard. I mean, if the USA started to call itself Awesome America, would you go to war with them?

 

Mr. Murray:

Great Britain would defend herself in any way that she saw fit!

Would you like that? Would you like if the first lady of Great Britain began to defend herself? Are you ready for that? I control the entire military and police force, you know. I have an iron fist.

Directly,

The Prime Minister of Great Britain

PS: How does the phrase “sado-monetarism” strike you?

 

Margaret:

There is a karate superhero with a smoking gun of a hand called Iron Fist. Are you named after him? He is way cool, a kind of ninja who pals around with a big black guy named Power Man. They fight evil wherever they encounter it, kind of like you and apartheid.

You’re cheating on your husband, you know. How does that feel?

By the way, I do not understand “sado-monetarism,” but if it’s a position with you, I am willing to try it!

I want your Iron Fist, placed ever so gently, in my mouth.

Love,

Michael Murray

Xoxxo

 

I never heard from her again and it turns out I completely misunderstood what apartheid was all about.