As many of you know, I used to work as a columnist at the Ottawa Citizen. Sometimes, on very rare and desperate occasions, they will contact me and ask if I’m interested in doing something. This happened just the other day, as the newspaper star they had lined up to Live Tweet Oprah’s appearance in Ottawa on Wednesday, had a legal emergency that prevented her from attending. And so it came to pass that I was asked if I could do it, a job I readily accepted. What follows are my Tweets from Oprah’s appearance before nearly 15, 000 fans at a hockey rink outside of the city:
@michaelmurrayca I’m 20 rows from the front, dead centre. Eye of the storm, baby, eye of the storm.
@michaelmurrayca Oprah just took stage to sound of delirious fans. Tried to give her my manuscript but failed. Awkward moment.
@michaelmurrayca No, not failed. Just given another opportunity to build my life.
@michaelmurrayca “You honour me by being here,” Oprah says, “Real question is why are you here?”
@michaelmurrayca “Love tittie shows!” I yell. Unsophisticated crowd doesn’t appreciate joke.
@michaelmurrayca Feminazis everywhere. VERY sour looks.
@michaelmurrayca “As small girl, grandma said I had to learn to hang clothes for the life I would have. Inside voice said no.”
@michaelmurrayca Blahblahblahblahblah #Oprahmanuscripthater
@michaelmurrayca There are like 8 Asian people in the crowd.
@michaelmurrayca Wonder what’s up with that.
@michaelmurrayca Could it be that the Asians hate Oprah????
@michaelmurrayca Oprah says she was Miss Fire Prevention at 16. “I could out talk those Southern girls.
@michaelmurrayca Oprah thinks she’s better than Southern girls. #Dixiechickswillwritesongaboutthis
@michaelmurrayca “Nothing is happening willy-nilly to you. You’re creating your own life.”
@michaelmurrayca Three women behind me just started to cry.
@michaelmurrayca One of them is really letting it go. Worried she might lose control of her bladder.
@michaelmurrayca Just looked behind me, major sobber has Oprah tattoo on her calf.
@michaelmurrayca O is part comedian, part actor, part preacher, part big sister and all woman!!
@michaelmurrayca Funny, self-deprecating and riveting. Crowd is completely enthralled.
@michaelmurrayca Best. Storyteller. On. Planet.
@michaelmurrayca Important to note Oprah has great hair today, cascading curls. Also, purple sparkly dress with contrasting purple shrug.
@michaelmurrayca I would fucking follow that woman into war.
@michaelmurrayca Would fight in mud.
@michaelmurrayca Oprah is like a black Dolly Parton.
@michaelmurrayca Would fight like hell for Dolly Parton, too.
@michaelmurrayca Swear to God they just did something to make place smell like pumpkins and vanilla.
@michaelmurrayca Going to note that in my gratitude journal. Grateful for pumpkin/vanilla scent.
@michaelmurrayca “My dream is to be able use my life to touch yours. To live on the edge of glory and sit with you.”
@michaelmurrayca People are going crazy, like she took her top off or something.
@michaelmurrayca If she wanted to touch my life, why not take manuscript???? #Oprahcaughtinlie
@michaelmurrayca “Sit. Feast on your life.” Fade to black and Oprah shouts “Ottawaaaaa” as pulsing beat starts and standing ovation.
@michaelmurrayca Then she gives away her Manolo Blahniks. Just took em off and put gold and diamond slippers on. Asked who in audience is size 10.5 and voila!
@michaelmurrayca Pretty sure Oprah feet must smell like pumpkin and vanilla.
* I must note that Ottawa Citizen megastar Louisa Taylor @louisataylorCIT was also live Tweeting the Oprah event and that as it turns out, I Tweeted maybe some of the exact same thing that she did, almost as if I wasn’t there at all. But no worries, our legal system will sort it all out!