Outtakes from the Ford Nation TV show

Sun News is kind of like a tiny, Canadian version of Fox News. Featuring a lot of men in suits yelling about people taking their money, the network has a sensational, even lurid attitude that always seeks out the lowest common denominator. Right now the Ground Zero of lowest common denominators is Toronto’s Dada-inspired Mayor Rob Ford. As such, Sun News gave him and his brother Doug– a City Councilor and death-stare Olympian– their own political talk show. In spite of it’s excellent ratings (for Sun TV) the show was cancelled after its debut episode as the production costs proved prohibitive. The Ford brothers are not TV savvy, and the production team had to shoot five hours of the men, and then edit that for eight more hours, before being able to present one hour of TV.

What follows are some outtakes from the cut footage:

A:

Rob Ford: Ford tough, bitches! (throws fist at camera)

Doug Ford: But keep in mind, this is not a car show. We can probably fix your vehicle, but we’re not going to do that.

Rob Ford: Don’t drink and drive! (mimicking drinking and driving) Made that mistake. I’m not perfect. Looking forward now. That’s in the past.

Doug Ford: We’re here to stop the gravy train!

Rob Ford: I will blow the goddamn gravy train up like I was a freakin’ terrorist. If you’re the gravy train, there’s nowhere you can hide. I’m going to find you, and you’re gonna explode. I’m an atom bomb! (pounds desk with fist)

B:

Rob Ford: Not a doubt in the world.

Doug Ford: Why?

Rob Ford: I saw the Bigfoot one night at the cottage and let me tell you, once you see the big guy, you know the big guy is the guy. I KNOW he exists, and I tell you, he would make an awesome lineman. Smells like skunk weed.

Doug Ford: I believe you, bro, I believe you.

Rob Ford: It was a Jesus moment.

Doug Ford: Bigfoot, a part of Ford Nation.

Rob Ford: Don’t mess with the big dog. Hallelujah.

Doug Ford: Amen.

Rob Ford: By the way, Jesus was fiscally Conservative. Hated big government. The temples he tore up, that was his gravy train.

Doug Ford: It’s true. Jesus was a very business friendly man.

C:

Doug Ford burning silently into the camera for 15 seconds and then standing up and yelling, “ If you want me, come and get me! You know where I am, I’m in your goddamn maggot TV! “ He stares angrily into the camera again for another ten seconds before pacing around in a circle punching fist into palm. Rob sips from a coffee mug.

D:

Rob Ford: I’ve NEVER, NOT ONCE, taken a bribe from a prostitute! I am here to save the tax payer money, and I can guarantee you, that hopefully, you will NEVER, EVER, see me fucked-up in some money scandal!

Doug Ford: You can’t say that, Rob.

Rob Ford: What? Oh fuck! It was saying fuck, wasn’t it?

Doug Ford: Yeah.

Rob Ford: (Kicks over chair)