Earlier in the day I went up to the Annex HodgePodge on Dupont to pick-up some lunch. The guy preparing my sandwich asked if I wanted black pepper on my salad and we fell into a conversation about the all the food items that people despised.
Me: Peas, I really hate peas. I would kill a family of peas with a brick, that’s how much I hate them. The Jolly Green Giant is a creepy asshole and merchant of grief. What about you, what food do you loath?
Guy: Have you ever had muk tuk, whale blubber before?
Me: Is that the soup of the day?
Guy: No, that’s carrot and ginger. Whale blubber is the one food I well and truly hate. I had it when I was up north once and it tasted like an old, worn carpet. I couldn’t even chew it. It was disgusting, just filthy.
A young man in a Death Metal t-shirt was sitting nearby listening. He had a grin on his face and I could tell he wanted to participate so I asked him what food he despised.
Death Metal Guy: Anchovies. Anchovies are a deal breaker for me. I once had a girlfriend who always insisted on putting anchovies on her half of the pizza, and you know, the scent, the taste infected my side of the pizza every time. I LOVE pizza, and it just drove me crazy that she’d do this. Our fights over this were epic and honest to God I think it was the main reason we broke up.
A woman with a Burberry bag over her shoulder walked in and began to examine all the available salads. I asked her what food she most hated. She looked startled for a second, pointing at herself as if to say, “me?” and then in a pronounced Eastern European accent, answered without hesitation.
Burberry Woman: I would never touch a snail or a frog. The very idea is disgusting. They are slimy and they live in mud!
And then she shuddered.
Another woman walked in. Carrying a yoga mat and a somewhat unfriendly appearance, she had the angular, patrician face of Maria Shriver. I asked her what food she most hated and she looked positively delighted to answer, as if she had been waiting for this question her entire life.
Maria Shriver Woman: Doctor Pepper. It makes me gag. I think it’s the most disgusting thing on the planet, practically a chemical weapon. And what about you, Mister Question Asker, what food do you hate?
Me: I never want to find myself in a situation where I have to eat Wolf again. Never.
Death Metal Guy: That’s a lie! You said peas!! You’ve never eaten a wolf!