I received this message in my email this morning:
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Hello my new friend!
I want to continue our dialogue!
I hope you remember me.
My name is Yulia! I really hope you write me very soon. I’m looking for a long and serious relationship. I want to find love and understanding. And maybe find my destiny. I do not play games. I want to be strong and long-term relationship. But for me it is important to have love and trust! I’m looking for a good and loyal man! I want to give him my warm and caring! But the most important thing that he loved me and could give me love!
If you understand me and trust me, you can write to me. I’ll wait for your letter with great impatience.
And I’ll tell you with great pleasure! I do not want to spend time in the blank! I want to have a serious
relationship so I expect you to serious, too!
I’ll wait for your answer!
Yulia
PS: I work in bakery. That is me second from left in picture. Gordana beside me, she made an unpleasant smell which is why I am not smiling.
Dear Yulia:
I have to say– as I get an awful lot of fan mail– I have a hard time remembering everybody who writes, so I’m afraid I don’t remember our dialogue, although sometimes I do go on Chat Roulette when I’m drunk, but usually I’m wearing a rhino mask and don’t even remember my email address, so it’s pretty hard to imagine me giving it out so you could understand! Anyway, I’m happily engaged to a beautiful woman, so I’m off the market, but I do want thank you for taking the time to try to bring some of the Murray magic into your life.
It is sad when we find ourselves living in the blank, which can happen to all of us, of course. But Yulia, I’m sure you’ll find your destiny, whatever it may be! You sound very strong and forceful, and you really look like you know how to handle a knife! It’s possible that this might even intimidate some men. All the same, I think I might be able to help. It’s what I like to do, Yulia, I like to help. My therapist says I’m an “interferer and enabler” but that’s just psychiatric code for “light generator.”
My buddy, “Mother Trucker,” (I do not know his real name as the agency does not permit it) is a very, very strong man (He can bench press a large volume of cement) who has gone through an awful lot in his life and is now ready to emerge on the other side! A recent convert to the Christian faith, he has proven himself loyal as he has written me every week from prison (where he has been serving time on a trumped up vehicular manslaughter and DUI charge) and will be getting out in March. I will be happy to set-up a correspondence so that you two may get to know one another!
Your friend,
Michael Murray, the light generator
PS: This is a picture of Mother Trucker