In the lineup for the post office at the Shoppers Drug Mart a woman is making a radiant display of her baby. I’m not sure, but I think that the baby is wearing a Burberry jacket and this prompts me to make a remark, “She’s a stunner, it’s like she just stepped out of the pages of a beautiful baby magazine.” The mother knew this to be true, and instead of thanking me for the compliment, simply acknowledged the truth of the statement. Emboldened perhaps, the mother began to speak to her child in baby talk, as if now putting on a performance for the gathering line behind her. The woman working the postal desk had a thing for babies, and she too joined in with the baby talk. This went on for a bit. Gutted Christmas carols played from the speakers above, and while the mother talked broadly of the miracles contained within the child, everybody in the line-up began to sigh and shuffle from one foot to the next, trying to stay in the festive spirit. When the woman had finished mailing her package, in an effort to defeat my mounting irritation I wished her a Merry Christmas. She stopped, looked at me and said coldly, “I’m Jewish, we don’t celebrate Christmas,” and then looked down at her child, “do we Elizabeth? No we don’t, no we don’t!”
Next door at the Swiss Chalet while buying a Caesar Salad, I asked Chantal the cashier, what she wanted for Christmas. She wanted an Arctic Goose Down jacket. A big ticket item. I told her that they were beautiful jackets and she sighed, as if hopelessly. “ Whenever I see somebody wearing one,” she said, “I’m all like,” and then she performed the oh-no-you-don’t angry, black lady face.
On the subway a pudgy, young man slept in his seat. He looked vulnerable, sweet and awkward, and in the bag he had clutched to his chest protruded a brightly wrapped Christmas present. It said:
To Linus
Love Mom
All of the passengers were looking at him, smiling mischievously, as if he was the kid in our class that we all wanted to pull a prank on. He just had that look to him. You wanted to draw a fake moustache on him. Something like that. At the next stop a stunning Asian woman got up from her seat and was standing in front of the sleeping man while she waited to get off. She was smiling faintly, thinking, and just before she got off the train she bent down and placed a light kiss on his forehead, stunning everybody. Uncertain of what had happened, the man startled awake and pulled his present closer to his chest. Wide-eyed he looked about, just catching a glimpse of this beautiful woman as she stepped off the car and vanished into the mass of people on the platform.
Merry Christmas, everybody.