Late on Friday afternoon I stopped in at the patio of One Restaurant, an expensive, beautiful-people kind of place in the Yorkville district of Toronto.
These are the text messages I sent to my wife Rachelle:
Me: Just stopped in at One for a drink, should be home by 6.
Me: Yes.
Me: I do think we’re made of money.
Me: Look, my fantasy sports teams have been doing very well the last couple of years.
Me: And I won a Deal Or No Deal scratch n’ win ticket the other day.
Me: I’m fucking rolling in cash.
Me: Paying off the car doesn’t make you a saint, you know.
Me: Right. Just the person who does all the heavy financial lifting.
Me: The hostess sat me very far away from the site lines.
Me: You’d need a shovel to find me.
Me: Yes.
Me: I am wearing my bike helmet.
Me: I don’t know if she thinks I’m an elderly bike courier.
Me: She probably just thinks I prefer solitude.
Me: I look pretty intellectual.
Me: Thoughtful, soulful.
Me: A man who looks like Roger Sterling just refused to sit in my section.
Me: “No, no, no, honey, no way I’m sitting there,” he said to the hostess.
Me: His hand around her waist.
Me: He’s now sitting in the rich men with big cigars section.
Me: Yes, I guess it’s like I’m sitting in the scratch n’ win section.
Me: It’s like instead of arriving via a fuck-me-I’m-rich car, I showed up on a mobility scooter.
Me: One with a little dog in the basket and a Hamilton Tiger Cats flag at the back.
Me: The waitress serving me is kind of chunky, too.
Me: Probably why she’s working this section.
Me: I bet she got the job because she sleeps with the mayor or something.
Me: Look, I have too had a job.
Me: Well, things are tough in the media right now, you know that.
Me: I guess I could be something other than a writer.
Me: No.
Me: No.
Me: I don’t want to work in the box factory that Allan manages.
Me: Because.
Me: I have lots of potential.
Me: You can still have potential in your 40s.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry, I just got distracted by a woman with long, superstar hair.
Me: It was like a flash of light when she tossed it and everything smelled like the beach!
Me: She looks a bit like Jennifer Lawrence.
Me: By the way, what shampoo do you use?
Me: Oh.
Me: Shopper’s, eh?
Me: Yeah, it’s good to get the Optimum points, I guess.
Me: If you don’t care what your hair looks like.
Me: Wow!
Me: Group of men who look like pro athletes and their supermodel girlfriends just asked me if I’d like to have a drink with them!
Me: People really are just drawn to me.
Me: Love you, probably be back late! xo
Me: Don’t forget to take the dog for a walk!!
Comments
One response to “Text Messages to Rachelle from One Restaurant in Toronto”
I like that you are so protective of Rachelle’s privacy and that you do not publish her texts. It’s very considerate of you.