In spite of the fact that I live a very busy life of danger and responsibility, I found the time to take Vanity Fair’s Proust-questionnaire the other day. If you’re so inclined, you can do so at this location:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/proust-questionnaire
These are the questions and my responses, and the celebrities with whom I have the closet match.
****************************************
1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
That moment of clarity and anticipation when something new has arisen and you know that your life has changed for the better.
2. What is your greatest fear?
The green pea and the mice that bear them to me in my night terrors.
3. What historical figure do you most identify with?
I am Dick Cheney.
4. Which living person do you most admire?
Jean Vanier
5. What is the the trait you most deplore in yourself?
A lack of self-reliance, a want to please.
6. What it the trait you most deplore in others?
I hate it when people let the success or talent of others make them feel badly about themselves.
7. What is your greatest extravagance?
I keep more slaves than I need, I really should share them more.
8. On what occasion do you lie?
When I tell people that I am going to kill them quickly. I always draw it out, I think it’s the artist in me.
9. What do you dislike most about your appearance?
I don’t think I understand the question.
10. When and where were you happiest?
Apart from now, returning home from being away at university to the aroma of roast beef cooking at my parent’s house and knowing I would get to see all my old friends and haunts later that night.
11. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?
I would be Nick Cave.
12. If you could change one thing about your family what would it be?
They would live in perfect health and happiness forever.
13. What is your greatest achievement?
Getting married and winning my fantasy baseball league. That team, A Fury of Pigeons, was fucking awesome.
14. If you died and came back as a person or thing what do you think it would be?
A dragonfly mongoose shark.
15. What is your most treasured possession?
Oh, it would have to be the sleeping pills.
16. What do you regard as the lowest depths of misery?
When the hot water runs out while I’m taking a well-earned shower.
17. Who are your heroes in real life?
The Six Million Dollar Man and Bigfoot.
18. What is it that you most dislike?
When a victim gets away and is all blabby to the police.
19. How would you like to die?
Looking at the sky.
20. What is your motto?
Generate light in your days, don’t consume it.
Arthur Miller 96 %
martin Scorsese 76%
Howard Stern 68%
David Bowie 64%
Arnold Schwarzenegger 35%
Sonny Rollins and Jackie Collins 9%