Family Council #37

I am an excellent father and husband.

A true family leader.

As such, I often find it necessary to call Family Councils so that my wife Rachelle, and our three year-old son, Jones,

can discuss important issues as they arise. These are the minutes from a recent Council:

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Michael: Okay, Council #37 is now in order. I know that Jones has a matter that’s been troubling him. Jones, would you like to take Thor’s Hammer from daddy so that you might air your grievances?

Jones: NO!!! I WANT CAPTAIN AMERICA’S SHIELD!!

Michael: We’ve talked about this Jones, you wave Captain America’s shield when you want to be acknowledged by the Daddy Moderator, and you hold Thor’s Hammer when you have the floor. It’s sometimes hard to keep straight in your head, but it’s very important.

Rachelle: Why? Why is it important?

Michael: You see Jones, Mommy just forgot to wave Captain America’s shield to signal that she wished to speak, so the Daddy Moderator has no choice but to OWWW! Jesus Christ Rachelle! That thing hurts! You do know I’m on blood thinners, right? You know that’s going to bruise. It’s not just against protocol to throw the shield, it’s medically unsafe!

Jones: NO TALK DADDY!! JONES TALK!!

Michael: I cede Thor’s Hammer to Jones.

Rachelle: Jonesy, what’s the matter?

Jones: I want to break a chair.

Rachelle: Because of something daddy did?

Jones: Yes. Daddy did it.

Rachelle: What did daddy do?

Jones: I’M GREEN HULK!

Michael: (Waving Captain America’s shield ) Jones? Jones? Can daddy please have Thor’s Hammer so he can speak?

Jones: NO! YOU LIZARD MAN NOW, DADDY!

Michael: Ha, see?! He wants to break a chair because he’s green Hulk, not because I did anything wrong!

Rachelle: Oh, really? Jones, is green Hulk mad because daddy is always finishing Jones’ dinosaur puzzles?

Jones: Yes!

Michael: You know, I put our Family Council protocols in place for a reason. Without strict adherence to shield/hammer regulation the chain of evidence falls apart! And Rachelle, you should know better than to ask leading questions of a child!!

Jones: GREEN HULK SMASH DADDY WITH CHAIR!

Michael: No! Put that down! I’m not kidding, Jones. Put. It. Down.

Jones: You Lizard Man, daddy, green Hulk smash you face!!

Rachelle: Oh my, green Hulk is so strong, I think Lizard Man had best do exactly what you say and let Jones work on his puzzles on his own, and at his own pace!

Michael: Lizard Man is sorry to have finished your puzzle.

Rachelle: Lizard Man has OCD. He has it bad.

Michael: No. Lizard Man does not. He just thinks that if you start something, it is your obligation to finish it.

Rachelle: Lizard Man thinks no such thing. Lizard Man has seen about five minutes of every show on Netflix, before abandoning them. Lizard Man started driving lessons, but never took a driver’s test, and he’s been on page 36 of The Angel Effect for what? Four months now? Six months? Years, maybe? Lizard man is a liar! It’s his evil super power, green Hulk! You must smash the lies!!

Michael: This Family Council is now adjourned!!