Today I have given the blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund.
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Heidi have pen pal named Hobo.
Hobo a girl dog, so not what you think.
Hobo very cool dog. Hobo once petted by guy who play sexy werewolf Jacob on Twilght! Hobo also solve many crime with two-legged treat giver! Hobo have quite the resume.
Mostly Heidi and Hobo just exchange thoughts in emails. Kind of like journal workshop.
Sometimes Heidi and Hobo share feelings about smells. Heidi like smell of dead worm and other dead things and hate the smell of lamb! Hobo feel exact same way! Heidi hate stupid cat and Hobo hate stupid cat, too! Both like to kill cat! Trade stories of best way to send death to cat. Heidi want to kill cat by barking until little cat head explode, but Hobo want to kill cat by injecting with disease then when weak, rip throat out!!
Hobo very creative.
Heidi and Hobo like soul sisters.
Heidi share excerpt from letter Hobo wrote:
“Really like meat. Think meat all the time. Meat, meat, meat. You ever think of meat?”
Heidi think meat all the time!!
Like Hobo reading Heidi mind.
Heidi write this to Hobo:
“Hobo, do you like to hunt bugs? Heid fucking hate bugs!! Buzz, buzz, buzz! Heidi jump and snap and chase for hours! Heidi do whatever it takes! Heidi no bug zone.”
Hobo respond:
“Hobo hunt bugs, too. Kill all of them, even ladybugs. Ladybugs have attitude, think they better than Hobo, but not!! So Hobo eat them with her mouth!. Hobo very much want to kill squirrel and bat at same time. Fantasy Hobo have over and over again. Do you think this makes Hobo weird?”
This real freak-out for Heidi because Heidi have same fantasy! Sometimes bird involved, too. Dream make Heidi leg twitch!
Uncanny how much Hobo and Heidi alike, but sometimes we disagree. Hobo think population have right to bear arms so to protect from cats and overthrow government if they seize control of meat or treat market. Heidi disagree and think more guns more danger for dogs! Dogs impulsive and emotional, they shoot first ask questions later! Exchange on matter become very heated, much barking. Hobo and Heidi not write for long time. Think on different spiritual paths, then hear that Hobo get sick! Hobo hit by two-legger steel fast machine! Put things in perspective. Heidi send Hobo postcard and hope can be friends again. Heidi want Hobo feel good so can kill cat with throat bite!
Comments
3 responses to “Heidi Blog”
michael. i have been dog sitting for two weeks and been unable to have the pooch hold a pen – even with duct tape! he is quite hefty so i put him on a diet, but he is only losing weight around the neck. i was hoping a slimmer dog would be more nimble in the paw area. am i barking up the wrong tree?
John:
Getting a dog to write properly is a little bit like doing a Ouija Board. It’s an organic process which requires interpretation and sometimes translation on the part of the dog-writing partner. For instance, what I do with Heidi is I get a pen, plunge it in a raw pork roast as if it were a thermometer, and then tape it between her teeth. (Be VERY careful when doing this) I then get a blank piece of paper and force her head down to it and start moving her around hoping to spell out the words I wish she would write. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Hope this helps!
Oh c’mon. Anyone can tell that Heidi’s using her incredible telepathic powers to control Michael’s mind. Mind you, we’re talking something less than feeble here, so she can probably do some serious multitasking and not even break a sweat.
…. and the postcard, well, when ISN’T Michael inebriated?