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Published Work

Lives of constant sorrow

Shortly after I started high school, I went to the Towne Cinema on Beechwood Avenue in New Edinburgh and saw a midnight screening of Quadrophenia. It’s a rock opera composed by The Who, and pits the mouth-breathing Rockers against the dapper Mods, who all look like they own espresso machines. Read more

Inside the Actors Studio

It used to be that I never gave celebrities any credit at all. It was my presumption that they’d reached the lofty heights of adoration, not by talent, but by an unwitting physical charisma. They were stars in spite of themselves, and I always figured that all they had to do was just stand there and blankly absorb whatever our imagination projected upon them. Read more

Kitschy comforts

For a long time, I’ve ridiculed both the Wheel of Fortune and those who count themselves among its fans. Some have claimed that I did so because I had a deep-rooted fear of wheels, but this is not the case. The truth is that I wanted people to think that I considered Wheel of Fortune just a lowbrow cousin to its more refined and sophisticated game-show cousin, Jeopardy.

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Hockey theme contest hits sour note

After my floor hockey team lost its fourth consecutive game by a double-digit margin, my teammates and I trudged off to a sports bar in order to complain about how dirty the other team was. The place was packed with men wearing hockey jerseys and baseball caps. Eating chicken wings and nachos, they used swear words like commas. Read more

Eight Minute Dating

hey there eight minute dating people:

the first question i have– and i mean this very sincerely– is whether this event is lame or not. when i get there will i want to shoot myself in the head? will i want to flee in despair? i’m also worried about the complimentary cheese. is it going to be little, blocks of cheddar with tooth picks, or fancy stuff from montreal?

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Bye-bye, big smoke

Erected in 1903, the brick smokestack towered over Lansdowne Ave. until recently. Photo by Tanja Tiziana Read more

Breaking Bad: Season One

Heroic qualities are infrequently associated with the name Walter, which is old-fashioned and lacks charisma and dynamism. It’s more likely the name of somebody who works as a high school chemistry teacher than somebody who, say, deals drugs. Read more

Beating Up Celebrities

Shia LaBeouf is the owner of one of the more absurd and pretentious names in Hollywood. Whether it was the burden of an “I’m Special” name that helped shape him into the apparent asshole he is, or whether it’s actually his native asshole capacity that keeps drunkenly asserting himself, is immaterial. Read more

A Letter from James Franco

January 16, 2012

Dear Harvey:

As you know, I’ve been looking for a signature role in a career-defining picture for a number of years now. As I do so many things at a high level (actor, academic, teacher, artist, sex symbol, philanthropist, Oscar host, film maker, serious writer, etcetera…) the public is having a difficult time framing “James Franco” in their minds. Read more

A Landmark Back to the Future & Out of the Past

Toronto’s iconic Regal Constellation Hotel now languishes in a state of modernist limbo, of suspended demolition. We poke around inside the guts of a Toronto that once was.

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