Ms. Monopoly

These are the text messages my wife Rachelle sent to me the other day:

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Rachelle: You’re still mad about losing at Ms. Monopoly, aren’t you?

Rachelle: A resignation is a loss.

Rachelle: Yes, it is.

Rachelle: I know.

Rachelle: It was clear you were thrown off your game when you weren’t allowed to use your special dice or your customized Hat marker.

Rachelle: You didn’t quit because it was unfair.

Rachelle: You quit because you knew you had no hope of winning.

Rachelle: Yes. Times change.

Rachelle: That was the POINT of the game.

Rachelle: It was designed as a twist on the original, inverting the societal hierarchy we labour under, giving women $240 every time they pass Go, while men only get $200.

Rachelle: I have no idea what Jordan Peterson would say about that.

Rachelle: Who is he, anyway?

Rachelle: Boy, that’s an awful lot of links to YouTube videos.

Rachelle: Okay, okay, okay.

Rachelle: I’ve heard enough.

Rachelle: Fine. Equal opportunity and equity are different things.

Rachelle: So that’s the reason you quit Ms. Monopoly just when you were about to lose?

Rachelle: Okay. Resigned.

Rachelle: Principles.

Rachelle: Oh yes, we certainly do need more community leaders like you, Pickle!

Rachelle: Quitting a board game with friends and running off to “catalogue your comics” was indeed a brave and principled stance!

Rachelle: You bring honour into our home with your actions!

Rachelle: No, that’s not right.

Rachelle: You do not support our family by scavenging the garbage cans of Toronto for comics and then never bothering to resell the soggy, disgusting ones you retrieve.

Rachelle: You know it makes the neighbours very uncomfortable to see you doing that, don’t you?

Rachelle: Pickle, they have no idea what you’re looking for.

Rachelle: They’ve started to leave their empty wine bottles in front of our apartment.

Rachelle: I can’t believe you didn’t notice.

Rachelle: On Monday there must have 30 of them!

Rachelle: No.

Rachelle: That bottle increase had nothing to do with the film festival, and everything to do with the neighbours trying to charitably address your disturbing, garbage-picking ways.

Rachelle: Yes, it is nice of them.

Rachelle: Most people are nice, Pickle, it’s true.

Rachelle: I honestly don’t know if Cate Blanchett is nice.

Rachelle: I can’t imagine you having dinner with her.

Rachelle: You’d lose all composure, drop your cutlery, knock over glasses. That sort of thing.

Rachelle: My guess is Jennifer Lawrence is nicer.

Rachelle: I suppose you’re going on another celebrity watch today?

Rachelle: Okay. Just don’t be creepy, and remember to pick-up some coconut water! Must get back to work! xo