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Published Work

About the Time I Was Reprimanded by Ryan (Fucking) Gosling

Although it’s true that you never forget how to ride a bike, it’s also true that you can forget how to ride a bicycle well.

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The Westboro Patio

The Royal Oak Pubs are reliable. They’re always open when they say  they’re going to be open, and you can always count on getting a decent beer there.  You never have to worry about some impatient waiter who’s angrily stacking chairs, trying to intimidate you into slamming back your drink so he can leave. The Royal Oak is receptive. It’s a place that accommodates the customer, rather than forcing the customer to accommodate the establishment.

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Victoria’s Secret

One might wonder what the Victoria’s Secret fashion show has to do with reality. One might sit around for a considerable amount of time pondering the matter, letting images drift and repeat,  until eventually falling into a flesh and lace induced stupor, only to be woken by the piercing shriek of Tyra Banks, who between her daily  talk show, America’s Next Top model and her Victoria’s Secret swan song is omnipresent and loud. Read more

The Super Bowl Halftime Show and the Poignant Vulnerability of Madonna

Madonna isn’t really a musician. It’s pretty much impossible to imagine her standing alone on a stage with an acoustic guitar slung over her shoulder and seducing a crowd with her sincere interpretation of “Hallelujah.” Most of us would never dream of sitting down and listening, I mean actually listening, to one of her CDs. Read more

Striking the right note with a Charlie Brown Christmas

It has been said that the genius of jazz legend Miles Davis was that he played silences the way that other people played notes. He allowed space to come into his music, and it was into this emptiness that an unmistakable melancholy often settled. Read more

The Chateau Lafayette

The Chateau Lafayette was divided into two halves. There was the tavern side and there was the escorts side. The tavern side had the best juke box in the city and was characterized by unpredictable drunks—hippies, bikers, drug venders and drug users. Read more

Southland

When Crash won the Oscar for Best Picture back in 2004, it struck me as an excellent example of the slightly deranged and self-indulgent perspective the Academy usually brings to their voting. Not only were they championing a movie about L.A., but they were also voting for a film that suggested depth without actually bothering to deliver any. Read more

Reasons to love Ottawa #1: Because only an Ottawa native could love New Edinburgh for being gritty

Although I grew up in Manor Park, I’ve always loved New Edinburgh. It seemed urban, almost gritty in comparison. The houses — as mismatched as laundry hanging from a back-alley lane — are all scrunched together, giving the neighbourhood an authentic, unplanned feeling. It wasn’t developed in an architect’s office, but was built from the ground up, by emergent necessity. Read more

Michael Fassbender, Shame and His Very Long…Scarf

My wife Rachelle wanted to see the movie Shame on Sunday.

“This looks good, we should see it,” she said on Saturday night as we watched a trailer for the movie on her laptop. Read more

Looking for Lava Love-on a budget

After desiring a relationship with writer Michael Murray for some time, Guerilla determined that the best course of action would be to buy his affection. We took it slow and kept things casual, suggesting only that he contemplate what he might like to contribute to our pages for the standard fifty-dollar honorarium. As we’d hoped, the prospect set Murray’s eyes afire—lit with the smoking and glowing intensity of lava. Read more