Sweet Prince

Good-night, Sweet Prince: Beloved Baseball Mascot Mr. Met Dies at 56.

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It is with great sadness that the New York Mets family must announce the sudden passing of Mr. Met. He will be forever remembered by millions of baseball fans for his inexhaustible optimism, sincere love of people, and of course, his great passion, The New York Mets. However, he transcended baseball. He belonged to all of America. People were inspired by the determination in which he faced certain defeat, day after day after day, with courage and hope.

Unfortunately, the pressure of always being in the public eye and cheering on a doomed franchise took its toll. What many people didn’t realize was that what appeared to be seams from a baseball on Mr. Met’s head and face, were in fact stitches from a baseball-head transplant he had as a child. This caused excruciating neck pain, as well as piercing migraines which plagued him his entire life, and for which he eventually began to self-medicate. A pattern of unfortunate incidents began to follow, including a diagnosis of PTSD after 9/11, ( he was never able to stop theorizing about what really happened to Building Number 7 ) , giving the finger to several fans during a game, a masturbation incident on the subway, a brief stint as a Mixed-Martial-Artist, and the release of a sex tape with his ex-wife, Mrs. Met.

Mr. Met lived an unusual and colourful life to the end. During the current lockdown for Covid-19, Mr. Met had been sheltering in place in his basement apartment with his collection of exotic animals. It is hypothesized that one of them, hungry or irritable, turned on Mr. Met and devoured him.

In life, as in death, he was a true Met.

We shall not see his like again.