Heidi Blog
Today I have given the Blog over to Heidi, our Miniature Dachshund for the day.
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Heidi like to make lists.
Not mean she have OCD or worms in brain, Heidi just naturally organized dog.
Here list of things Heidi hate.
1. Other Dogs.
Other dogs stupid, try to take Heidi’s ball. Think better than Heidi because they bigger, but not better! Stupider! Heidi cuter than all other dogs and Heidi deserve all treats and praise!
2. Rain.
Rain very stupid and hard to avoid. Like a million different little baths falling from sky and taking place all at once. Very gross. Make Heidi cold and she lose all her precious smells, get disoriented and confused. Rain should die.
3. Fox News.
Heidi always watch for fox on news, but never see fox! Big tease! Very misleading, fox news! Heid think she see fox jumping and hunting and tumbling, but just two-leggers in ties! Big media lies to Heidi. Bad news, very, very bad news!! Sometimes Heidi dream she fox, that she move quick and light, pounce on prey and vanish into hole!
4. Cute Overload.
Hate Cute Overload. Stupid, demeaning porn! Two-leggers look at pictures of animal on computer machine and go “Oh, isn’t cute? So cute!? “ Not cute! Ugly cat in box! So what?! Heidi kill ugly cat in box! “Oh, look, Penguins in sweaters, so cute!? “Fuck little sweatered Penguins! Penguins can’t to dig hole! Heidi should be enough, NOT RIGHT for two-leggers in Heidi pack to go to dirty site like Cute Overload! Disease site. More like Barf Overload than Cute Overload!
5. Smell of lamb cooking.
Not know what it is, but smells just put chill in Heidi soul. Like spider fingers touch heart. Sure, Heidi eat the lamb– it good– but smell very, very scary!
6. Pacifists in hockey.
Heidi hate, just hate faggots who say fighting should be banned in hockey. Say no place for it in today’s game, that it distracts from skill and speed of sport. Please. Necessary outlet. Without fighting players get chippy with stick and take liberty. Need top dog to keep order! And Heidi like to see blood, make her bark and wag tail, big punch Heidi howl it so sexy!!
7. Birds.
Very, very, very ugly creature, and have so much attitude just because they fly! Stupid trick, maybe devil conjure bird and they just instrument of Satan to bring disease. Heidi hate them very hard. The poop from great height, bomb Heidi so she can’t avoid their messes! If bird honest, walk on ground and face Heidi like warrior, not poop from clouds!
8. Radiohead
Over-rated! Band don’t touch my soul like Coldplay, who can make Heidi soar or make Heidi whine and feel blue. Coldplay very romantic, Radiohead think they real smart squirrels, but just depress Heidi brain and that Thom Yorke dance like wounded bird. He not live long in forest, animal hunt and kill him real quick, but maybe spit him out because he taste funny!
